The fairy mother – Trust and Love in times of uncertainty

The fairy mother

When butterfly kisses the flower
She said
What’s the matter
You are weeping
Are you missing your mother?

And the honey bee
Buzzed by and said
She’s right there
Can’t you see? My dear?

“No”, weeping flower started wilting
She’s sad, swallowed up by despair
Drops of tear tricked down the rim of her petal
And as if by magic
Stayed as sparkling bubbles, reflecting the transient rainbow light. 

Hovering, pulsing,
Kind-hearted hummingbird gathered around the nectar
And smooch…
A kiss, an invisible kiss
On the weeping flower.

Love is sometimes invisible
My dear
But remember
And trust
That you are loved.

And I’ll always be there.

  • Poem written by Christy Choy in November 2018

Going through my notes on the phone and found this little poem I wrote back in November 2018.  I have forgotten about this. And these words, touches me in a very kind and gentle way today. 

This is a challenging, uncertain time on earth -our blue beautiful planet. Fears and panic spread through the ether, quicker than any viruses.  Perhaps we can’t help but breathe them in, and carry these energies in our system. 

Yet in times like these, it can be nourishing to close your eyes and sink into the heart space. And trust, and feel, and connect with the love – the gentle love of the mother that will always be there. Have faith and keep loving. Loving ourselves, and sending love, through our heart to others. 

Love has the power to transmute fears.

There is an invisible web of light in which we are all connected. 

Much love & blessings.  Sending protective energy to all. ❤ 

Endings as forces of transformation

Endings are bittersweet. They can feel painful, daunting; as the people/place/things that we are so accustomed to will be detached from our physical experience. Perhaps forever? As once the circumstances change, things are never quite the same. And there is an uncertainty to it. How will things turn out when I leave this relationship? What will remain if our connection is no longer being housed within these perimeters? Whether it is a marriage, a work situation, a partnership, or a social club. It is strange, as a soul living a human life, to fathom the circumstances of change in the physical, three-dimensional reality.

Yet in spirit, as soul, we are never separate. Separation is an illusion. We are always and forever connected, we are all One. 

Such interesting moments to ponder, to rest in the space between endings and beginning. As I slow down and really savor these moments, these deep feelings, I found something precious. The emotions that brought up during times of endings and beginnings are powerful. So powerful that oftentimes it felt overpowering, too much to feel, too much for our delicate system to hold.

Yet, as I get curious and breath into the moments of unknown. As I think, feel, and embody these changes in movement, I find preciousness. The relational context is transforming to a different form. And all we have to do is to love, trust, and let go. The problem is, and have always been, our attachment. Which, I guess is our work here as soul living as human to learn, and perfect. To be able to merge when we need to, and re-emerge when it is time. Again and again.

Truly, it’s all beautiful experiences. The former co-workers whom I worked closely with, more than 10 years ago, are now my really good friends. Though we don’t see each other often. The past lover, partner, and friends who no longer exist in my physical space on a regular basis might be orbiting in a different energetic space, dancing their own dances. Yet the impact of these relationships, the imprint on my heart through these soulful contacts remain – and they helped me grow into the being that I am today.  

And, in this empty space between endings and beginnings, I get to pause, reflect, and decide how I’d like to be, how I’d like to feel, and what I’d like to create in this physical reality. Endings are  really blessings in disguise.  

 

 

Transitions – An intriguing time of Uncertainties and Possibilties

The topic of transition seems to be the theme song of the season – this season of life, this moment of change. Many big changes are happening, internally and externally, with our own life and the life of others around us, individually and globally. 

This time of change can be overwhelming and disorienting. For instance, as circumstances around us changes, our role as a human being often changes accordingly. All of a sudden, the position we have accustomed to, the role we’ve  identified as, does not belong to us anymore. In a split second, our identity is shaken up. Who am I, if I am not the doctor treating patients in this agency? Who am I, if I am no longer in this relationship, being connected to this family system? How am I supposed to act, to be, when I am no longer with my community, whom I sometimes feel annoyed with but at the same time shared a familiar ground with for years?

Transitions in life shake us up, and made us realize that this identity that we hold on to is not I. This is not I. I am not the body associated with the image of the picture of me. For my body shall decay, and I do not have ultimately control over when it will stop working.  Time after time, as we go through various transitions, our own or others, we begin to realize the impermanence of the roles we take on, the circumstances around us, the body we inhabit. 

Many years ago I went to my first 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat. It was the first time I have ever meditated. I drove up to this site in Kelseyville with other meditators I just met, and spent 10 days in silence. Waking up each day at 5am, following a straight schedule, diet, and percepts of morality, I sat crossed legged in the meditation hall for many hours each day, paying attention to my breath and sensations in my body. 

I remember we were not supposed to move at all during the hour long group meditations. It was extremely uncomfortable and excruciating. To be feeling all these pain in my body and not move – to me it was tasting suffering, seriously. But it was in that process that I started to practice, in paying attention to what is there, and let it go. For hours after hours, days after days, I continued scanning my body, feeling all the sensations. Whether it was tensions, pain, or the joyful feelings of chills when energy was pulsating through my body, I practiced to simply notice it and let it go – with no aversion and no attachment. 

This is the concept of Anicca in Buddhism – the doctrine of impermanence. The arising and passing away of all things in this world. And our suffering is stemming from grasping for the pleasurable, and aversion of the pain. 

Transitions are exciting and important time, as we temporarily leave one identity and await our next role, next assignment. And if we can let go of fear – the often debilitating fear of uncertainties, but to breathe deeply and rest in our heart, where our soul lives. We will realize that it is all good. Beyond the corner of our eyes, in the shimmering universe, there is a future unraveling – for our joy, our love, and our expansion. This is but a phase in life where we expands, to something different. This is a time to trust in the unknown, and keep following the heart, with the deepest faith that – the universe got our back. The best is yet to come.

 

Let go of everything, and you will have everything.

 

Moving through life during difficult times – insights and reflections

This journey of life isn’t always smooth and easy.  This physical world that we move through each day isn’t always butterflies, rainbows, and sunshines. Sometimes, it can be really, really hard. Life’s lessons are no joke. They can bring us to our knees, in tears, in despair. All of a sudden, our whole world change. We are in shock, in disbelief. We wonder what is going on? Nothing, nothing makes any sense at all. And we are, once again, reminded of the impermanence, cruelty of life. We are rendered speechless, desperately catching our breath, trying not to suffocate in the pool of helplessness. 

No joke, indeed. The hardest part of being a human is coming to terms with this human nature. The law of this physical world. What happens to us, to our friends, to our family, or to our pets, are ultimately, never truly under our control. We might have been living in a way where we frantically trying to control everything, to manipulate situations, and/or to make sure others are cooperating with our ideas of how things should go.  Until one day, this illusive veil lifted and we are suddenly exposed – to life’s bluntness and cruelty. We are naked in the jungle, at the mercy of the tigress. We can fight, protest, howl to the moon, or scream at the theatre of irony.  But ultimately, we can only let go and surrender. Perhaps our knees bent, perhaps the grasses tingle our skin, and we humbly listening to the wind, to the orchestras of nature, while vulnerably opening our pores to all that is. We let go of control, and pray. The irony is that while it takes tremendous strength to surrender, once we do, our whole perspective shifts. Surrendering does not mean giving up, to surrender is to accept whatever it is, at the present moment, and to be with the experiences as they show up. 

A strong, sensitive heart loves deeply, unconditionally. This is love without expectation, giving without negotiation, forgiveness without condition. I love this quote from Mother Teresa, “Work as though every thing depended on it, and leave the rest to God.” To me, this is a simple, yet poignant mantra. Pouring our love, faith, and creative energies into life’s endeavors, we are doing our part of the work. While at the same time, there is an unseen part bubbling in the background, in the space of emptiness. There is this hidden energy that we are always co-creating with. This is the omnipresent energy of source, of eternity. 

In retrospect, these excruciating stages of life are often meaningful and essential, it might have served an important purpose in our journey. Though at the time we do not understand a tiny bit of it. For these dark, difficult periods force us to grow, to mingle with our shadow in the moist, shady womb. We are encapsulated in the cocoon and have no choice but to interact with the uncomfortable, disturbing parts of life, of ourselves, which we usually avoid in waking consciousness. This is the stage of metamorphosis, this is a necessary vessel for growth and transformation.

Yet even in the womb of darkness, we can still remember to breathe. To move through the daily necessities of life, to care for oneself and others, and to connect with friends and loved one. Personally, I find it crucial to engage in some form of practice in keeping energy moving through my body during these trying times. Taking a walk, getting a massage, acupuncture, or reiki, doing yoga, or just getting up and stretch our body are some of the things we can do to move our energy. It doesn’t have to be fancy or sophisticated. We just have to get moving, and keep going at the pace that we can.

Being a human is a vulnerable endeavor, so be gentle, with yourself, and with others.

Blessings to all.

 

 

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