Your destiny is calling you.

This is the confession of a healer, a therapist, a writer, and a fellow human.

I often spend my days pondering what I should do, which path I should take. Being human presented so many options in how to be, and who to become. And I am an adventurous, spontaneous soul, who got visited by all these ideas, dreams, paths that I could take, roles that I could try. The possibilities are endless.

Being stubborn has its benefit, and its constraints. I have achieved a lot of my goals because I was/am stubborn. Ever since I was a kid, people would tell me what I can or can’t achieve because of this or that. And, I honestly didn’t care. The limitation of their mind, and the sense of fear in their relating to life never applies to me. I am who I am. And I won’t sway even a bit for things that I am passionate about.

But this attitude of stubbornness isn’t as helpful when I am operating in denial, in fear, or in dread. Those times when I pretend that I did not hear the call from my destiny. I ignored the signs, denied the calls, and was somehow able to find a thousand other things to obsess with. Getting more and more entangled with the vines in the labyrinth, I struggle with getting out of being stuck. 

And how did I get my self stuck in the first place? It was simple, it was my refusal to listen to my soul, my heart. We each have a role to play, a mission we are here to do. As we grow, our journey might evolve and take on different forms. But what matters is always in the present, in this moment. What makes your heart sing? What breaks your heart open? What gives you that sweet feeling of heart ache accompanies by tears of love? When do you feel the passion that is undeniable and everlasting?

Your destiny is calling you. Listen to your inner voice, your feeling, your heart. Your soul is longing to speak to you, and direct you towards your path, to your destiny. 

And each and everyone of us, has a destiny. We just have to let go of the control, and listen.  

May you live each day with love and joy. May your heart be touched by life’s miraculous moments.

Much love and light.

 

The Power of Faith in times of Transition – a reflection on love, passion, and life’s journey.

It was about seventeen years ago when I left my birthplace – Hong Kong, and arrived at this country – the United States of America. I didn’t know a soul on this land, except my then boyfriend, whom I dated for a year when we met in Hong Kong. I didn’t have much money, no relatives, no connection, and I didn’t even know how to differentiate nickels and dimes. But I was brave, and I had no fear. 

I still remember moments during that long flight from Hong Kong to San Francisco. The flight was unusually empty because of the strike of the airline, and I had the entire aisle to myself. As if the universe was making space for me. It was perfect, for a long and emotional flight. Sitting on my lap was a box of sweet memories – the tokens of love from friends and family. The bittersweet parting gifts. As I looked out the window and glimpsed at the night view of this gorgeous city where I was born, I felt a sense of calm and serenity. A moment of grace and solitude came over me. Deep inside my soul, I knew this is the right path. Reading the words of my childhood friends, looking at the pictures, the gifts, reminiscing the moments of the last goodbye at the security gate; I slowly realized that I’ve made a significant and possibly life changing decision.

It all originated from this simple but strong desire in my heart – to cure my mom. As long as I could remember, my mother had always been in and out of hospitals, and her condition was only getting worse throughout the years. And as I got older, I was determined to help, to find out what was going on, or to at least alleviate her suffering.

The sight, smells, and sounds of the hospital came back to my senses as I recall this memory. I was sixteen years old then, sitting across from my mother’s psychiatrist in her office, attending a meeting about my mother’s condition. “How are you supposed to be able to help her when you only see her every two weeks for 10 minutes? ” I confronted the psychiatrist. I’ve been visiting the hospital every week and I tried to understand what kind of treatment they were providing. And the only “treatment”, it seemed to me, was prescribing and dispensing the meds.  “Well, that’s the way we do things here.” She got defensive, and probably feeling angry that me – a teenage girl was challenging her about her profession. “How about other countries, are there other ways?” I didn’t give up, I genuinely wanted to find out if there are alternative, better ways in treating these kinds of illness. “I don’t know anything about other countries.” She said and her body language told me that she wasn’t going to discuss treatment with me any further. Our conversation ended.

That was the moment, when the idea of studying “overseas” germinated in me. I was determined to find the answer, to search for the cure, for my mother, and for all who suffered from this daunting curse of mental illness. And as if by magic, things unfolded over the years. There were times that were challenging, difficult, confusing. But there were always help along the way – be it angels, friends, guides, or teachers. Life is strange, indeed. And I often found it such a blessings to be on this path, to live, love and work as a healer and a therapist. I just have to remember, to channel my younger self more often – the fierce, determined, passionate soul who seems to have such unwavering faith in life, who lives without fear.

Sometimes a seemingly hopeless situation aren’t in fact hopeless. Sometimes sorrow and tears can be transformed, to hope, healing, and a beautiful path. All we need is to have faith, and trust that there will always be a way. The passion in our heart will keep us warm ,the lights of hope will illuminate our path as we walked through the winding, shadowy road. And as we keep following our heart, keep listening to the little voice that speak to us in quiet moments, we will never truly be lost in the enormous jungle, even if at times, it feels like we are all alone. We will be fine, we will be safe, wherever we are.

I’ll leave you with a poem I love. 

 

The Journey 

by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice – – –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘Mend my life!’
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations – – –
though their melancholy
was terrible.

It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,

determined to do
the only thing you could do 

determined to save
the only life you could save.

 

 

 

Stars of the Universe – Poem & Reflection

Stars of the Universe

 

We are the stars of the universe

Lost and scattered in random parts of the world

 

Broken in the process of becoming

Burning our edges in unbearable pain.

 

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know.”

 

Perhaps it doesn’t matter.

For in the process of self explosion.

We illuminate the darkest cloud

 

And we will find each other

Again and again

In the divine light.

Poem written by Christy Choy in 2015.

Ever since I was a child, when I was supposedly still in the stage of play and innocence, I questioned about the meaning of our existence. What are we doing here on earth? Why do we live the way we do? Why are bad things happening to human being, to our society, to the world? While some may argue that it is too early for a six years old to have these thoughts, they served me pretty well in coping with difficult life circumstances. I remembered comforting myself, in my little mind, that these crazy, bizarre, weird life circumstances must have a bigger reason to it. A reason that I could not possibly understand at that moment. I remembered reminding myself that a lot of extraordinary, famous, great people in the world had had a difficult childhood, too. I remembered staring at the starry sky with my mom, believing that my lost toy bunny was somehow living on the moon and if I squint my eyes I can possibly see it. Faith and imagination were my secret weapon.

Somehow, the existence of the stars, the moon, and the galaxy always comforted me. I feel less alone in my existence. Many years have gone by, and I am now living on the other side of planet earth. Perhaps many things have change since then, but that little soul of mine, that was holding me through all the adversities is still here. She is still the same, trusting and fierce. She is living in my core, in the middle of my heart center. I still hold the same thought, the faith that a bigger picture is in play, while living my beautiful and sometimes weird life. It serves me well in living and growing as a human being, and it certainly helps when I am working with the little children who experienced trauma, loss, and abandonment early in life. Still breaks my heart a little each time I feel them, but it helps to have a bigger perspective. I still stare at the sky at night, in awe with the magnificent beauty of it all and trust that all is well. Things will be all right. 

I believe that in our purest core, we are in fact, stars of the universe. We all have this innate soul center, inner compass that knows the deeper meaning of life, of existence. And life is a journey into the center of the self. Carl Jung wrote in his work Memories, Dreams, Reflection, “I began to understand the goal of psychic development is the self. There is no linear evolution; there is only a circumabulation of the self.” As if walking the labyrinth in the dark, we might stumble on the path, got lost in our egos, and coming back again and again to the core of our self, to our soul purpose. And perhaps, what is important in life is not the destination, not the egoistic distinction between what is right and what is wrong,  but the journey and the experience itself. 

Blessings to all.

 

 

Reference

Jung, C. G.  (1963). Memoriesdreamsreflections. New York: Pantheon Books.

 

Sweet nature – poem & reflection

Sweet nature 

The sweetness of nature fills my heart with desire
Each step renders a new adventure
– A new feeling when the sun beams on this soft human body. 

The synchronistic meeting of each soul 
fills my heart with laughter, tears, joy, and love
This richness of life isn’t found in the jungle, or the bedroom
It is in allowing this sore openness of the heart that abundance flows

For in this effortless being we let ourselves float 
While the salty water and the mischievous fishes carry us

Down the stream
To our destiny.

Written by Christy Choy on Nov 24,2017 at Lake Merritt, Oakland

When I was little, I wanted to become a writer, or a lawyer. A writer, because I loved to read and write. Books were the loyal friends that kept me company through the darkest hours. A lawyer, because I wanted to stand up against injustice, and speak for the one who cannot fight for themselves. I never would have thought of becoming a therapist ,living in California.

And then life happenedAs if carried by an invisible wave, my life took its twist and turns. The meetings of significant people : friends, lovers, mentors, teachers, the love and loss of loved ones, the miraculous encounters and spontaneous adventures, and the courageous decisions made at each intersection… This storybook of life,  filled with the sweet essence of life’s ups and downs and its mundane details, rest deep inside my soul.

Perhaps I am a writer after all. For I am writing my own story.  And aren’t we all? Each day, each moment, we are presented with a choice – to show up or to not show up? When we encounter another being, we have a choice in how we engage – to smile or not to smile, to express kindness or remain aloof? And when we are triggered by certain people or situation, we can react with quick anger and accusation, or take a moment to breathe, center, and choose our response differently. The small things we do matter, and it has a ripple effect that goes out far beyond what we can imagine.

Thus, it is often in the mundane, tedious details of life where it lies the most significant lesson. And life is an irony that riddles us into the whirlpool of our soul. What lies ahead in my path? I don’t know ,and I won’t know. I can only be here and be present. To strive and live each moment with love and integrity, to face each challenge with grace and persistency, to treat other beings with kindness and respect. Some days will be joyful, and some days might be hard and difficult. But the beauty of life, I believe, is in allowing our hearts to be touched in life’s ups and downs, our senses to be infused with scents and  sceneries, and our soul to be penetrated by the deep feeling, the abundant of emotions that life has to offer.

Cheers.

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