The fairy mother – Trust and Love in times of uncertainty

The fairy mother

When butterfly kisses the flower
She said
What’s the matter
You are weeping
Are you missing your mother?

And the honey bee
Buzzed by and said
She’s right there
Can’t you see? My dear?

“No”, weeping flower started wilting
She’s sad, swallowed up by despair
Drops of tear tricked down the rim of her petal
And as if by magic
Stayed as sparkling bubbles, reflecting the transient rainbow light. 

Hovering, pulsing,
Kind-hearted hummingbird gathered around the nectar
And smooch…
A kiss, an invisible kiss
On the weeping flower.

Love is sometimes invisible
My dear
But remember
And trust
That you are loved.

And I’ll always be there.

  • Poem written by Christy Choy in November 2018

Going through my notes on the phone and found this little poem I wrote back in November 2018.  I have forgotten about this. And these words, touches me in a very kind and gentle way today. 

This is a challenging, uncertain time on earth -our blue beautiful planet. Fears and panic spread through the ether, quicker than any viruses.  Perhaps we can’t help but breathe them in, and carry these energies in our system. 

Yet in times like these, it can be nourishing to close your eyes and sink into the heart space. And trust, and feel, and connect with the love – the gentle love of the mother that will always be there. Have faith and keep loving. Loving ourselves, and sending love, through our heart to others. 

Love has the power to transmute fears.

There is an invisible web of light in which we are all connected. 

Much love & blessings.  Sending protective energy to all. ❤ 

Love with Integrity – Speaking up for Justice with kindness and compassion

In moments of life when things seem to be getting chaotic, when I feel bombarded by challenges and chaos, when my world seems to be turning upside down, I would make space for solitude, to breathe, center myself and reflect, go for a walk, and allow nature to speak to me. And the universe would let me know , ” All is well.”

The universe speaks to you by metaphor, by energies, by the synchronistic magical moments, by the encounters of kind and compassionate beings who are really angels in human form – the earth angels surround us and providing what we need. Carl Jung says, ” In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorders a secret order.” This is a deeply felt experience that I have, when I swim in the chaotic water, uncovering the truths beneath ugly facade.  The seemingly random broken pieces would somehow fall into places, as if a puzzle being put together by unseen forces, while the hidden truth slowly reveal themselves – for those who have eyes to see, and ears to listen.

Changes do not scare, or upset me. As, I believe, changes is the constant – it is the law of the universe. But one thing I do value is integrity – to be truthful and honest in our words and our deeds. To follow through with one’s promises and be accountable for one’s responsibilities. To tell things as it is, as much as one’s able to, instead of making up stories in order to manipulate. Integrity is an important quality – of any human being, especially those who choose to live in collaboration with others. 

In Theravāda Buddhism, one of the 7 virtues is Sīla pāramī : virtue, morality, proper conduct. To me, having integrity – being kind and honest with others is good moral. And I guess, lately, I’ve discovered that there are people who have taken the bodhisattva vows – do not practice proper conduct and virtue in their daily lives. It honestly hurt my heart to realize this, but at the same time, I also understand that we are all doing the best we can, at this very moment.

I guess, this is lesson in life – in love and discernment. There are times in life when we have to speak up against injustice, when we have to confront people/organizations who are being unjust and dishonest. This is not done out of hatred or anger, but of love and compassion. For this life is a class, and  we are all learning with and from each other, in our interconnected web of fate that we weave each day.

 

I’ll finish with a poem I love. 

 

The Guest house – by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond. 

The Sacredness in Impermanence – love, life & relationships

It is interesting how life unfolds some time. We just never know what will happen in the next second, the next moment. We can never predict who will stay, and who will spiral away. 

The apparently random circumstances bring people together, forming little communities, or soul tribes – for a more sacred term. When we were younger, we are usually surrounded by our birth families, or whoever raised us when we were children.  Or perhaps we grew up in spiritual communities, where we were connected to each other, in the shared love and faith of the beyond. And as we got a little older, we somehow gathered with our special groups, in the purpose of learning life’s lessons. These special groups were brought together as we happened to go to the same school, or work at the same place.

Perhaps I am romanticizing, but I like to think of these groups of special people as little soul families. As if there was a hidden soul contract we have agreed upon, to serve as a certain role in each other’s life. As if we were caught by the web of fate and casted away in the succulent garden, playing out the game of life. 

Human beings are funny,  we just take ourselves so seriously some times. In the meetings and mingling with others, we could experience some very extreme emotions and feelings. Love, hate, jealousy, irritation, frustration, admiration, thoughts such as “I can’t believe you did this.” , or feelings such as “I just can’t deal with you anymore.” All the feels from love and adoration, to hate and disgust. It is in relationships that we feel the full range of human emotions. 

It is in relating to each other that we grow, as we get to know ourselves better in each other’s presence. We support and cheer on each other as we face challenges and become our better self. We goof around, laugh and have a good time. We create memories and take pictures that remind ourselves of the special connection we shared.

 Was it really coincidence that we happened to meet each other, and become schoolmates, friends, colleagues, or families? I don’t think so. These connections in life are just too special and specific, in my opinion. And in the ebb and flow of life, even the most special connections goes through the cycle of converging and diverging. I have come to realize that, it is okay to ride though the waves of life – the many endings and beginnings. For it is the law of the universe , where change is the constant. And I trust that if we are meant to meet again, we will. For our soul will be attracted to each other, and our sacred connections will take form.

In life, or in dreams.

 

“To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

And Eternity in an hour.”  – William Blake

 

 

Stars of the Universe – Poem & Reflection

Stars of the Universe

 

We are the stars of the universe

Lost and scattered in random parts of the world

 

Broken in the process of becoming

Burning our edges in unbearable pain.

 

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know.”

 

Perhaps it doesn’t matter.

For in the process of self explosion.

We illuminate the darkest cloud

 

And we will find each other

Again and again

In the divine light.

Poem written by Christy Choy in 2015.

Ever since I was a child, when I was supposedly still in the stage of play and innocence, I questioned about the meaning of our existence. What are we doing here on earth? Why do we live the way we do? Why are bad things happening to human being, to our society, to the world? While some may argue that it is too early for a six years old to have these thoughts, they served me pretty well in coping with difficult life circumstances. I remembered comforting myself, in my little mind, that these crazy, bizarre, weird life circumstances must have a bigger reason to it. A reason that I could not possibly understand at that moment. I remembered reminding myself that a lot of extraordinary, famous, great people in the world had had a difficult childhood, too. I remembered staring at the starry sky with my mom, believing that my lost toy bunny was somehow living on the moon and if I squint my eyes I can possibly see it. Faith and imagination were my secret weapon.

Somehow, the existence of the stars, the moon, and the galaxy always comforted me. I feel less alone in my existence. Many years have gone by, and I am now living on the other side of planet earth. Perhaps many things have change since then, but that little soul of mine, that was holding me through all the adversities is still here. She is still the same, trusting and fierce. She is living in my core, in the middle of my heart center. I still hold the same thought, the faith that a bigger picture is in play, while living my beautiful and sometimes weird life. It serves me well in living and growing as a human being, and it certainly helps when I am working with the little children who experienced trauma, loss, and abandonment early in life. Still breaks my heart a little each time I feel them, but it helps to have a bigger perspective. I still stare at the sky at night, in awe with the magnificent beauty of it all and trust that all is well. Things will be all right. 

I believe that in our purest core, we are in fact, stars of the universe. We all have this innate soul center, inner compass that knows the deeper meaning of life, of existence. And life is a journey into the center of the self. Carl Jung wrote in his work Memories, Dreams, Reflection, “I began to understand the goal of psychic development is the self. There is no linear evolution; there is only a circumabulation of the self.” As if walking the labyrinth in the dark, we might stumble on the path, got lost in our egos, and coming back again and again to the core of our self, to our soul purpose. And perhaps, what is important in life is not the destination, not the egoistic distinction between what is right and what is wrong,  but the journey and the experience itself. 

Blessings to all.

 

 

Reference

Jung, C. G.  (1963). Memoriesdreamsreflections. New York: Pantheon Books.

 

Fallen – poem & reflections on grief & loss

Fallen

The leaves have fallen on the ground

The soul has spoken

In the cave of the heart angels cry

Absence melt into presence

The longing of the soul has never been so loud

But silence.

Poem written by Christy Choy, MFT on Oct 6 2017

 

Whether it is a painful break up with a lover, the death of a loved one by suicide, illness, or accident, a divorce after 19 years of marriage, or a little foster child saying goodbye to the birth parents ; the experiences of grief and loss are universal, and inevitable in life. It is as if each day, as we create a new self, when our body generate new cells; we are also shedding the old, the part of us that no longer resonate, little by little. 

Yet the experience of grief is cruel. As if a heart wrenching thief just went through every bit of our soul, sucked away every drop of joy and casted spider webs over the sweet memories. “For now they are gone, you will no longer have what you once have.” the thief exclaimed. And we are doomed, caved in by darkness, weighed down by heaviness. For how shall we live life again? 

When we are in relationship with others, whether it is a friend, lover, family,  our work, or even a school; we share a piece of our soul with them. The little stream of soulful energy, from the reservoirs of life, flow from our heart and mingle with others. In this exchange of life stream we create a sacred piece of artwork – the shared life experience. This piece of artwork often contain elements of both light and dark, as in all things of nature.  The laughter we shared while watching a silly TV show, the cake we baked and shared with others in a celebration, the precious moment when we looked into each others’ eyes and knew exactly what we wanted to say, or even the pain we suffered when we were hurt in the relationship. Sweet or sour, joyful or painful; these are the special moments in life that we shared, with our heart, with our life force, and our intention.

And when all is gone. It feels as if there is this deep hole in the heart, a strange sensation of emptiness in the chest. How could it be? And ah.. the excruciating feelings of heartache. These are all too painful to feel. And we escaped, we detached and ran away. Ran away from the pain but also, separated from our soul, our heart, our ever-flowing reservoir of life forces. We are rendered soul-less, living as a zombie, infected by the venom of life’s cruelty. 

Those were dark times, indeed. Having experienced a variety of sudden losses and endings in my life since childhood, I know it too well. I remembered wandering out and about in the city, frantically cleaning the bathroom inch by inch, work so diligently and “enthusiastically” at a job for over 12 hours a day.  I remembered how my 19-year-old self attempted to numb this excruciating pain, and cope with the catastrophic experience of a sudden loss. Or, perhaps unconsciously trying to find myself again. 

Many years have gone by and I have, inevitably, experienced other forms of loss. Some of them being more catastrophic then others. But I’ve learnt that, eventually, I seem to “recover” from the doomed experience in the process of creation. I write poems, I draw, I sing, and I create little tokens of memories. I might allow myself to sink into that deep hole of the broken heart, but then I picked myself up and kept going. Seek help, take care of my body, process, and create.

For it is by remembering that we grieve; and it is in deeply caring for ourselves that we continue to share our love with others. For life is a regenerating process. We are like snakes, shedding our old skins from time to time. And it is in the acceptance of this game of life that, we live and flourish.

 

Sweet nature – poem & reflection

Sweet nature 

The sweetness of nature fills my heart with desire
Each step renders a new adventure
– A new feeling when the sun beams on this soft human body. 

The synchronistic meeting of each soul 
fills my heart with laughter, tears, joy, and love
This richness of life isn’t found in the jungle, or the bedroom
It is in allowing this sore openness of the heart that abundance flows

For in this effortless being we let ourselves float 
While the salty water and the mischievous fishes carry us

Down the stream
To our destiny.

Written by Christy Choy on Nov 24,2017 at Lake Merritt, Oakland

When I was little, I wanted to become a writer, or a lawyer. A writer, because I loved to read and write. Books were the loyal friends that kept me company through the darkest hours. A lawyer, because I wanted to stand up against injustice, and speak for the one who cannot fight for themselves. I never would have thought of becoming a therapist ,living in California.

And then life happenedAs if carried by an invisible wave, my life took its twist and turns. The meetings of significant people : friends, lovers, mentors, teachers, the love and loss of loved ones, the miraculous encounters and spontaneous adventures, and the courageous decisions made at each intersection… This storybook of life,  filled with the sweet essence of life’s ups and downs and its mundane details, rest deep inside my soul.

Perhaps I am a writer after all. For I am writing my own story.  And aren’t we all? Each day, each moment, we are presented with a choice – to show up or to not show up? When we encounter another being, we have a choice in how we engage – to smile or not to smile, to express kindness or remain aloof? And when we are triggered by certain people or situation, we can react with quick anger and accusation, or take a moment to breathe, center, and choose our response differently. The small things we do matter, and it has a ripple effect that goes out far beyond what we can imagine.

Thus, it is often in the mundane, tedious details of life where it lies the most significant lesson. And life is an irony that riddles us into the whirlpool of our soul. What lies ahead in my path? I don’t know ,and I won’t know. I can only be here and be present. To strive and live each moment with love and integrity, to face each challenge with grace and persistency, to treat other beings with kindness and respect. Some days will be joyful, and some days might be hard and difficult. But the beauty of life, I believe, is in allowing our hearts to be touched in life’s ups and downs, our senses to be infused with scents and  sceneries, and our soul to be penetrated by the deep feeling, the abundant of emotions that life has to offer.

Cheers.

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